In 1987 a woman by the name of Emily Perl Kingsley wrote about her experience of what it was like for her having to raise a child with a disability. Her writing or poem is widely used in the mental health and education for special needs children fields. I actually have this poem taped to my office door so that anyone, especially my students passing by or coming for an appointment or visit may read it --- to bring about awareness and gradually empathy!
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
As I reflect more on her writings, I cannot help but think that these same feelings and thoughts may be applied to those of us who have prayed for specific needs and got answers from God that we did not expect! Some of us have embraced those unexpected yet disappointing answers and have searched and more often than not, have found the good or great in them! However, there are those who have allowed their disappointment to determine their relationship with God. Some have allowed their disappointment to make them angry and bitter with God and/or with others! Let me encourage you, if you fall into this latter group. While we know that the Word of God tells us that, “..For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.” (Matthew 5:45); God’s Word also says that, “And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28). So like Emily Pearl Kingsley did (in her poem), stop mourning the “but I should have,” and lovingly embrace the “wow, look what I have!”
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
As I reflect more on her writings, I cannot help but think that these same feelings and thoughts may be applied to those of us who have prayed for specific needs and got answers from God that we did not expect! Some of us have embraced those unexpected yet disappointing answers and have searched and more often than not, have found the good or great in them! However, there are those who have allowed their disappointment to determine their relationship with God. Some have allowed their disappointment to make them angry and bitter with God and/or with others! Let me encourage you, if you fall into this latter group. While we know that the Word of God tells us that, “..For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.” (Matthew 5:45); God’s Word also says that, “And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28). So like Emily Pearl Kingsley did (in her poem), stop mourning the “but I should have,” and lovingly embrace the “wow, look what I have!”